wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
