Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
