I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
