She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
