the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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