and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
should my penis look like a turkey
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
