I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
