did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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