I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dear god my vagina.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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