A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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