I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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