positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
