2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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