I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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