Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
