Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
