Your face is a jimmy john
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
from now on my penis is your penis
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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