Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
