I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I fill condoms, not promises.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
