I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
