I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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