Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
