been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
