When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
