I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
