just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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