Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
