"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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