tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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