Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I am one with the molecules
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
