umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
