News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
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We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
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There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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