White coat. Heels.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
