God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
