did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
