I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Come on in and take your pants off
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