I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
