just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dignity is for republicans.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
