I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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