dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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