i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!