I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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