i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize