...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
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I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
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I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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