Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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