I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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