I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you never un-have a 4some
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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