she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
