Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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