I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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