what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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