Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
