I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
