you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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