Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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