We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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