I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
