How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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