did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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