I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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