I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
