put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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