just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sober January is a disaster.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
