dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So squirting runs in the family.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
