I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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