vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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