So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
