3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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