weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
