Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My cat gives me a boner
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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