he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
