I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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