That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
